Archive for February, 2009


February 7, 2009

who said zombies were dangerous?
let’s all pay monthly to sit in chairs and stare at this gay looking cartoon shit for HOURS so we can gain a LeVeL. let’s not even question it. let’s just do it every fuckin day for like six hours and FIVE fucking years. i’m serious. let’s not even think about what retarded fucking tools we are and just RAID CAVES over and over. it’s fun if we start a gUiLd cause then we can speak in WoW language and be huge dorks all at once. when i get home from work i’m just gonna start playing it without even thinking. i swear, life sucks, friends suck, doing things sucks but this game fucking pwns. i love how the battles look so fuckin gay, and so fucking fake. my emo haired nightelf’s name is rood-dood-no-homo. no fucking way, your level seventy gnome has a pink sword and is called thornhammer6660427800167? well, that is just cool my friend. you are creative as FUCK. now, let’s order a pizza so we only have to walk to the front fuckin door. god forbid we leave the house cause i don’t wanna take my eyes off of this bullshit for more than a couple seconds.


the antiheros

February 1, 2009

neil mccauley and chris shiherlis, heat.
one of the best scenes is when neil comes home to his ocean-front home after taking care of shit all night and finds chris sleeping on his floor. he pours a couple cups of coffee and then they discuss their daily criminal agenda in neil’s unfurnished living room. if it’s your first time seeing the film you’ll have no idea what they are talking about. anyway, that scene always makes me wish i ran a crew and took scores in l.a.

sorter, revolver
this is one of those characters that needs it’s own film. there are only a few scenes in revolver where sorter is the main focus, but he owns them completely and with minimal dialogue. i’d say sorter is one of the best ideas for a pro-killer ever developed. the scene to look for is when sorter walks into this back room where all these bastards are playing poker. he’s wearing blue cover-alls so it looks like he’s maintenance or something. he slowly shuts the door behind him, looks around the room very nonchalantly, then reaches into his duffel-bag to pull out a silenced uzi and spray every dude at the table—zero emotion. i lol every time.

bottle rocket
dignan, bottle rocket
dignan is one of my all time favorite characters. i don’t know why, but this guy is cool. he could probably be a great thief if only he had the right crew. throughout the film, dignan remains positive during even the most hopeless of situations. my favorite scene is near the end, when dignan’s crew visits him in jail. as he’s leaving in the line-up and saying goodbye and everything, he starts telling them he’s figured a way to break out and, on his signal, to take out the guard in the tower and then shield him with their bodies because the guards won’t shoot civilians. just when they almost actually do it, he gets this grin on his face because he’s only kidding. the crazy thing was that he almost got them to start taking out guards and everything in a span of maybe five seconds. plus, dignan wears a yellow jumpsuit for no reason, which is badass.

american psycho
patrick bateman, american psycho
i guess you couldn’t really label bateman (batman?) as an antihero. he’s more of an envious, inhuman, bitter, sadistic, psycho-delusional, cannibalistic music enthusiast. the hip to be square axe-murder part is probably my favorite, but as a graphic designer, i also tend to lol at the business card scene.

henri “papillon” charriere and louis dega, papillon
even after numerous failed prison breaks, and even after having been incarcerated for so many years that being a prisoner on devil’s island has become a way of life to everyone else, papillon continues to fight his way out. escape is his constant objective. his mind is relentless, much like the above dignan imo. also, not only does mcqueen make being a prisoner seem cool, but hoffman is a genius as dega. supposedly there is a re-make in the works involving r. downey jr. as charriere and p. seymour hoffman as dega.

jake green, revolver
one thing i’ve learned in the last seven years: in every game and con there’s always an opponent, and there’s always a victim. the trick is to know when you’re the latter, so you can become the former — j.g.

anton chigurh, no country for old men
chigurh is not exactly an antihero. he’s the primary villian in ncfom, but there are so many good scenes with this guy, you start to like him. the lucky quarter, the silenced shotgun hotel slaughter and the pharmacy robbery scenes are the few that spring to mind. also, anton kills people with a pneumatic rod cattle gun, which is probably the most original weapon i’ve seen in a film.

the professional
leon, the professional
in a heavy french accent — the rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. the closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. the knife, for example, is the last thing you learn — leon

12 monkeys
jeffrey goines, 12 monkeys
jeffrey is fuckin insane. any part of this movie with jeffrey in it is excellent. he’ll flip you off for no reason and if you listen to him long enough he will start to make sense.

fight club
tyler durden, fight club
arguably the most famous of modern antiheroes and alternate personalities. you can’t have an antihero thread and not mention durden, period. a character who believes that in order to free the world, you must first destroy it. it doesn’t get more antihero than this: in the world i see, you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of rockefeller center. you’ll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. you’ll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the sears tower. and when you look down, you’ll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighwayc.p. for durden

skate ii imo

February 1, 2009

mike carrol is WAY too good at s.k.a.t.e. in skate two. he's one of my favorite skaters, but i pretty much want to murder his videogame character.

skate 2. hmm. well, it’s pretty ok. i’m kinda already bored with it. hippie jumps are fun, but hard to time. also, this game is really skippy, as in choppy. especially when you are in a small area and a lot of shit is happening. it can get so choppy that i can’t even control my guy, who by the way looks nothing like me because you still can’t adjust the height of your guy (when will they put that into games? i don’t care how “hard it would be”) and the default character has an extremely fat face, which can be toned down, but not enough, really. so, my guy kinda looks like a ufc fighter or a powerlifter, not a skater. also, why do the pro characters get to wear cool jeans and all of the jeans i have to pick from are bell-bottoms or something? and speaking of clothing, the beanies look like total shit. i mean, maybe if your guy had dreads, which aren’t available btw, the beanie would look alright. oh well, it is still better than skate one in a lot of ways. i probably won’t go into said ways, because i’d rather complain, but it is. here’s another thing that is kinda lame about it: i don’t really feel like i’m cruising around in a real city anymore. now i feel like i’m just cruising around in a gigantic skate park made to resemble a city. sort of (please forgive this) tony hawk-ish. a little too flashy, if you ask me. also, one of the main things i was hoping for was to be able to skate at night, like in real life, but no.