mirror’s edge review. free-running, only not

December 29, 2008

looks tempting

mood: tired

listening to: lost children of babylonwords from the duat and the equidivium.

mirror’s edge–the game that inspired us to start blogging. mirror’s edge–innovative first-person parkour game, or piece of shit annoying repetitive anxiety simulator?

we’ve been watching parkour and free-running videos on sites like youtube for a while now. like many other not-couch-potatoes, we used to run around vaulting over fences and climbing obstacles when we were kids, but then some kids, mostly this one kid from france, entitled and defined it.

so, like many other fans of the sport, we’ve been waiting around a hundred years for a parkour game to surface. when assassin’s creed was finally released, it made us even more parkour-hungry. we wanted wall running, vaulting, flips, aerials, cat-leaps. sure, prince of persia had done most of it in a fantastical, unrealistic sort of cartoon-ish way, but we needed an urban landscape, and something semi-realistic. we wanted ea skate without the board, and when ea announced their new parkour-esque adventurer mirror’s edge, we almost shit in our nike warm-ups.

so, it’s first person? why? the developers say it’s better that way… hmm, no. and the only playable character is female? well, hmm, we’re still going to buy it. it looks pretty and we saw the wall running during the trailer.

alright, so, we suppose if you bought this game without any expectations, or got it as a gift it could be sort of fun. we mean, say you hadn’t watched a lot of parkour videos on youtube or anything, it could be fun, maybe. if you are a person who loves repetitive repetitive repetitive puzzle games and has no expectations of traversing a city landscape freely like a modern day acrobatic courier without being gunned down by a dozen swat-men in helicopters every millisecond and having to follow a pre-made pathway ten-thousand feet up with zero peripheral vision. like if you love doing the same thing–run, climb, jump, roll, run, get shot, die, repeat–at least twenty times until you have the entire level totally memorized and then finally and barely survive to the next auto-save point. until you are about to throw your fuckin controller at the tv because this game is so fucking ridiculously retarded–then maybe, yeah, you’d love it.

we guess what we are doing here is a bit of venting, because even though this game makes us red-faced, to the point of screaming obscenities and punching the couch cushions, we keep coming back to it. it is definitely not what we expected or wanted, really, but it is the closest thing so far. so, if you haven’t played mirror’s edge yet and have plans to, save your third-person cat-leap over the air duct to front flip off the roof expectations for the next vg developer’s attempt at a parkour title. also, be prepared to swing your controller by the cord as hard as you can against the coffee table.

oh, and i have never seen anyone sprint into a baseball-style slide on concrete underneath a pipe because it’s a stupid thing to fuckin do. oh, and no free-run option in the main menu? really


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